A dosser, in case you were wondering, is someone who has absolutely mastered the art of doing nothing. Not in a sad way. Not in a “should we be worried” way. In a deliberate, calculated, sofa-first kind of way.
A dosser knows that the best plans are cancelled plans. That the correct number of snacks is “too many.” That the sofa isn’t just furniture — it’s a lifestyle choice.
Some people climb mountains. Some people run marathons. Dossers? Dossers find the perfect position on the couch and stay there until their legs go numb. That takes commitment. That takes discipline. That takes a certain kind of legend.
The Levels of Dossing
Not all dossers are created equal. There’s a spectrum.
- Level 1 — The Casual Dosser: Has a day off. Stays in pyjamas until noon. Thinks they’re being rebellious. Cute.
- Level 3 — The Committed Dosser: Has perfected the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing. Owns at least one blanket with crumbs in it.
- Level 5 — The Professional Dosser: Can reach the remote, the snacks, and their phone without moving from their current position. Has a system.
- Level 10 — The Lazy Legend: Has transcended. Doesn’t even think about being productive anymore. Just is. The sofa has accepted them as one of its own.
Where Do You Fit?
If you’re reading this, you’re probably already one of us. You just didn’t have the shirt for it.
Now you do.
